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I miss David Letterman.
His “Top Ten” lists made for some brilliant television (I am including
both types of football in this post—soccer/football is all kinds of fun.) In that spirit, I have put together my own Top
Ten list of why football is the best sport on earth.
1 1. The
weather during football season is awesome. For those of us living in the weather hellhole known as the
Deep South, we get our first taste of fall with glorious, crisp, sunny days and
cool nights. The ferocious African jungle-style heat has finally diminished and
we are left with weather patterns that behave in an astonishing, Camelot-like
fashion. You can actually sit outside in the middle of the afternoon
and enjoy the day without spontaneously combusting. This is otherwise
impossible to do during the ravages of summer in the South.
2 2. From
a female standpoint, football gives us all kinds of eye candy. God
would not have given us Tom Brady,
Orestis Karnezis, or David Beckham
if he did not mean for us to watch the game. These men are far too pretty to be
wasted languishing in the mud; they are meant to be on national television,
preferably without their shirts.
3 3. Without
football, what else would we have to discuss on Monday mornings with our
co-workers? No explanation necessary.
4 4. Drunk,
painted dudes. In what other sport do we see fans standing around in
freezing weather, painted up and liquored up? We get to watch sixty minutes of
enormous, muscular men beating the bejeezus out of one another in the name of
sportsmanship. This body-painting phenomenon seems to be especially popular
with large, beer-bellied men in Northern climes. If you have ever seen a
Packers or Patriots game, you have seen this species. They tend to be
half-dressed, painted in team colors, drunk as a tinkler's dam, and yelling
their fool heads off. It's fabulous.
5 5. The fights. Football is all kinds of dramatic. Football can lead to some interesting and
costly fights, particularly among the alumni of competing schools. As this is a
Top Ten list, don’t have the space to
relate the utter insanity of, say, London after an Arsenal victory. Or a Gunners' loss. Whichever. Londoners employ
any opportunity to get hammered and yell at one another.
6 6. From a male standpoint, the girls. I mean, they made an entire movie about the Dallas Cowboys’ cheerleaders. Granted, it was a made-for-television
cheesefest, but that tells you something about how hot these women actually
were.
7 7. The parties. Have you ever been to New Orleans during the
Sugar Bowl? Criminy. It makes Mardi Gras look like a church
social.
8 8. Psycho goal guy. Andres Cantor, arguably one of the most
famous soccer announcers, literally loses his mind every time his team
scores. His insane vocalizations have
become so popular that they actually sell a ringtone with his voice in Latin
American countries.
9 9. Team mascots. From Bevo at Texas to
Buzz at Georgia Tech, the mascots are a beloved part of the history of NCAA
Football. Heck, UGA V got so into the
spirit of the game one year he tried to take down an Auburn player by biting
the mess out of him.
1 10. The pageantry. Nothing beats watching Chief Osceola throw a
flaming spear in the center of the field at the beginning of an FSU game, or
seeing the Notre Dame Irish Guard lead out the band. Listening to the fans sing every note of the
school song or watching Gator fans do the “chomp” for hours only adds to the
excitement.
